Press Gang

Scan page 5

From: Northern Ireland Office.

To: All Fleet Street editors.

First the body. You have to know which side it is on. Is it a murderous thug, whom all decent people like us abhor?

Or is it a hero? You can tell by the uniform.

Usually the hero wears blue or khaki. Murderous thugs are dressed any old how.

Some look as if they have been clothed from a jumble sale.

Sometimes they seem little more than children.

But remember-heroes are killed by murderous thugs and cowards.

Murderous thugs on the other hand have usually done it to themselves-or at least brought it on themselves. That is why they are often shot by heroes.

Now the funerals: 1) Murderous thugs: These funerals are liable to be larger, especially it they have 'done it to themselves' Our best hope with these funerals is to make them take the coffin in the opposite direction to the one they want to go.

We can blockade the roads and make mourners climb through barbed wire fences to get to the funeral. (This method has its limitations. Tens of thousands appear to be prepared 1o undergo all this just to be at the funeral).

Ideally murderous thugs should be buried without ceremony inside the prison walls (where, after all, we could provide the most modern cemetary Europe).

We are also considering sticking their heads on spikes outside the gates of Belfast and Derry but this is under discussion. (Perhaps your picture editors would comment on this plan).

What is obviously outrageous is the deplorable way in which the gunmen take advantage of the funeral.

These TV pictures of men in uniform firing volleys over the coffin are liable to mislead world opinion into thinking that IRA men are some kind of soldiers.

After such funerals we are calling upon all editors to ensure that their reporters loudly demand to know why the Roman Catholic church allows such burials to go ahead.

Point out that it is outrageous that guns and burials should be confused.

(Radio and TV in particular might like to make the Cardinal sweat a bit! Why not ask him if he doesn't think that he's little better than a Provo with his collar turned round!) 2. Heroes.

Heroes may come from anywhere in Britain. Mostly Stop press.

Why did it before? F they will be young lads with • shattered and confused family liable to say things like Why us?'.

Your job is to ensure that these parents understand their children did not die in vain.

If in their grief and anguish they should express any doubts about whether their sons should have been in Belfast or Derry we trust editors will not embarrass them by reporting such sentiments.

For our part we will ensure you have good pictures. A Union Jack over the coffin, a squad of young soldiers to carry it.

In some cases we salute the dead by firing a volley over the graveside. We are thinking of asking the Archbishop of Canterbury to write this into the funeral service. Maybe the vicar could give the order to fire.

We trust the above is clear. More details can be given by Army Information Service.

Next week's briefing paper will be on relatives.

In the meantime just remember that heroes have grief-stricken wives and children. Murderous thugs just use their families for propaganda.

Why didn't we think o Telegraph for excellen investigative reporting on th Maze prison.

They have shown tha the real purpose of "specia category status' is to tur the camp into a terro It takes a special kind o imaginative flair to depic IRA men looking ahead ti the day in 15 or 20 year when they are released whittling away at realisti replicas tomahawk during the period of specia category status.

And well done thos screws who spent long even ings produoing imitation rifles and machine guns ti make the whole tale tha little bit more spicy.

It was a particular!! bright thought to show th prisoners producing hand! "training sheets" with suci subtle directions as "use o rumours, slogans and inter naticnal press propagand: against the government highlighting torture."

Staff at the Maze ar now trying to find the tunnel through which the IRA members sent thei members to carry this out.

One whole block-alloca ted to launch an interna tional press campaign-!! believed to have tunnelled its way to Japan the better to conduct its anti-govern ment propaganda there while still being back in thei bunks by breakfast time.